What it's like...

Have you ever wondered what it's like? Do you see the stories on the news and ask yourself, "What were they thinking?!" Have you ever said, "That's a shame..." or "Thank God that's not me!" Well guess what- it is me. And it's not a shame-it just is-me. Wanna know what I think now?

• "Hey Uncle Bri--you gotta help me!!! I'm buried in the back yard!!!"


• "Off with my hair!"


• "Lil Wayne is my Communion. Yes, I eat Lil Wayne for Communion"


• "My shoulder is broken"


• "I'm in jail for nothing--get me the !@#$ outta here!"


• "I'm going to a movie--it'll start when I get there..."


• "I swear to GOD---I just won $50,000 from the radio station--they said I could win!!"


• "Hi B--I'm dead--tell Chrissy I'm dead"


• "We're waiting for a dust pan..."


• "Chrissy--I know it's 1am but people are chasing me!!!"


• "I'll show you CRAZY, motherf@#$%&*"


• "I want to be a boy... No--I AM a boy"


• "What's wrong with nailing all my shirts on the wall?!?"


• "No pencils. No books. No learning. This ain't a school--it's a f!@#ing prison!!"


• "Yes--I just bashed my head through the effin' window..."


• "But I like all the pictures turned backwards on the wall!"


• "I KNOW it's 3am--but I have a job interview at WAWA. I SWEAR I do!!"

So that's what I think--not all the time, but lots of the time. Sometimes it's much worse--or much better.

I've been in that hospital, in this facility, diagnosed with this and that...they told me to go here, and there, and back here again. It's hard. I wanna be 22. I want a job. I want to drive a car. I want to see my daughter....

I want to be with my family...

I have a mental illness. I take medicine. I don't like the way it makes me feel...but I try to do what I'm supposed to do. It's really hard. I'm bored. I'm tired....of being sick, tired of nobody listening, tired of being so far away. I'm frustrated....with myself, with people that are trying to help me, with my brain....

Right now I live with some people that they say are like me. I'd rather not. No offense, but I'd rather be with my daughter, see my parents, hang with my sisters and brother, play basketball with my cousin...I'd rather make cookies with my aunt...I'd rather do stuff with my uncles...I'd rather walk to the Dunkin' Donuts and get a coffee... and help around the house...like I used to do.

There is some space at my aunt Chrissy's home....we could renovate and make an apartment for me. We know that it would be hard...but not harder than what it's like now. We all know that it won't be easy....but sometimes family isn't easy. But it is family--and everyone needs a family.

I'll keep you posted as we go along....can you help?

Healthy body-Healthy Mind!

Gotta get healthy! My parents and Aunt Chrissy chipped in to help me go to the gym. I walk there every day and work out as much as I can--I lift some weights and use the treadmills and ellipticals. Pretty soon I'll get into the pool!

Dr. Phil Episode of Inside the Mind of Schizophrenia PART 3/5

Schizophrenia Part 2 - ABC 20/20 coverage

Schizophrenia Part 1 - ABC 20/20 coverage